Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
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Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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