i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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