I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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