I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
