If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
