hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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