I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
