so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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