I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You're like the curious george of whores
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
