You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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