What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
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planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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