evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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