How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
