what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
