I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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