Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize