your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
