Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
