WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
