just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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