I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
