and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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