i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she smelled like a LAN party
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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