i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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