Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
