hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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