My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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