You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
