If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
