I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
