It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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