Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
is that a dick in a sweater?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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