very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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