is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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