Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
