So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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