Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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