I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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