"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
