It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
