Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
