I wish my penis had an off switch
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
