How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
