I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
