swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
