Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
