Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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