Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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