guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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