Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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