I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
