let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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