it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
