apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
