So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
