he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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