You made me cry and you don't even care
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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