So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
