I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
handjob tips. give me some.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
