How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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