I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
