I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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