I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
