Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
