i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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