xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
