We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
