Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
