Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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