We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
