i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
