Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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