none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
