Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
