Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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