This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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