I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
