NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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